


Loveship [Kise Ryouta x Reader]

by SilverStudios5140



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Idiots in Love, Kise Ryouta-centric, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Romance, Stubborn Reader, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, disaster children, kise is the sun, no beta we die like men, seriously someone help them, space talk, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:40:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23372575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverStudios5140/pseuds/SilverStudios5140
Summary: Kise is the sun and she is one among many sunflowers that his light pulses down upon. He is luminescent and she turns towards him instinctively.She is unable to fight this law of nature.
Relationships: Kise Ryouta/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 115





	1. Himawari

* * *

**Himawari** (kanji:向日葵, hiragana:ひまわり, katakana:ヒマワリ) is the Japanese word for **sunflower**.

* * *

_Teiko Junior High; First Year_

* * *

It's not like (Name) ever meant to make a habit out of observing Kise Ryouta. It just sort of happened. Like something you can't stop noticing once you start. 

And starting is easy. So, so easy when the subject of observation is like the sun-- fiery and golden and so bright, she cannot help but bask in his presence though he will never catch sight of her doing so from across the room where she is safe from the danger of him potentially burning her. 

At least she isn't alone. There are many others who throng around the sun, desperate for acknowledgment from something that seems so far away from them. Desperate to be allowed into it's orbit and feel its warmth instead of its fire. At least she is content to never orbit and simply watch. 

They are twelve and in their first year at Teiko Junior High when she first catches sight of him. 

(Name) believes that there are some people who are simply made to stand out among the rest of them. People who are born different-- special, right from the start as they do not heed to convention. People built to leave their marks on the world.

She is no stranger to such kind of people. Her closest friend happens to be one of them, so (Name) has experience in seeing their promise and natural gravity up close and personal. 

From the moment she first sees him at the center of a steadily building group of excited girls (like little asteroids wanting to enter orbit so they may graduate the status of planet), she knows he too is an example of those among then who are _special_. 

Kise Ryouta remains at the center, smiling indulgently at his admirers as they attempt to infiltrate his solar system, pulled in by the gravity he doesn't mean for them. His brightness now is harsh and glaring, like he is projecting to blind them so he may revel alone, but they are moths to a flame and he is unable to fight this law of nature.

The sun is lonely at the center of his own universe, selfish in deeming no one worthy of his gravity and warmth. Nothing orbits him and he burns alone, brighter and higher than anyone else. Untouchable. Tempting. 

_Arrogant,_ she decides, her mouth twitching at the sight of his fraying patience as she waits for her best friend to return from the washroom. 

It is a little amusing to watch Kise struggle to get to his class even, and she'd feel inclined to stage an intervention and rescue him if she didn't think his poorly hidden egotism warranted this. Kise's eyes begin searching for an escape, darting around the hallway that is rapidly emptying of its previous occupants because the noise from the gaggle of excitable girls makes lunch break significantly less enjoyable and it is easier to admit defeat and migrate elsewhere. 

Briefly, desperate golden eyes find hers and it startles (Name) enough to delay her reaction in hastily looking away, her face warming because Kise might not even remember this but it's still embarrassing to get caught staring at someone. She's safe in the knowledge that she probably isn't blushing in spite of the heat in her cheeks, but she doesn't dare chance another glance at the blond and his pool of fangirls so soon. 

She only looks back when she hears Kise yell and point at something further down the hall, following his finger just like everyone else in the corridor to see what had caused his loud disruption. (Name) blinks, finding nothing but air and Teiko's familiar interior, and turns back to find that Kise Ryouta has disappeared amidst the confusion. 

It clicks in her head just as the other girls begin whining about his getaway and suddenly, (Name) is hiding her laughter behind her hand. 

How absurd for a twelve-year-old boy to have to resort to such tactics to ward off the crowd of regular people wanting to become special by virtue of his company. 

Apollo sends Icarus hurtling back to the ground when the mortal gets too close, and in a less violent fashion, Kise Ryouta does the same. 

He does it quite often too she begins to realize over time, her eyes often straying to him when there is nothing else to occupy her attention in between passing moments.

Kise is effulgent, but he is prideful of his radiance, and therefore, he is lonely. He allows no one in his orbits (though the asteroid belt continues to develop all the same), and though he looks awfully bored when he thinks nobody is watching, he doesn't make attempts to change his existing dynamic with anyone. 

Well, (Name) has always known preteen boys are idiots so it shouldn't be surprising at all to her when days become months and Kise continues roaming the halls of Teiko with a sullen face and dull golden eyes that look more hazel when they are darkened so, looking for all the world like he'd rather be literally anywhere else. 

In the middle of a warm afternoon, with her friends' amiable chattering ringing in her ears, she studies the downward turn of his mouth and his lack of company from across the cafeteria, and the question arises within her of what he is waiting for. 

Kise has kept a few people around in the past, but nothing lasting. He always severs ties with them not too long after, and part of her is curious. 

Something about his countenance keeps drawing her gaze to him, and it has begun to grate on her nerves each time she catches her attention wandering to him. 

Because Kise is a sun, and whether she likes it or not, his gravitational pull is strong-- so much so that it's difficult to resist. She doesn't get close enough to orbit, and she doesn't want to, but she can't deny that he draws her in and she doesn't have the strength to fight that. 

Distant, but reaching. 

Kise is the sun and she is one among many sunflowers that his light pulses down upon. He is luminescent and she turns towards him instinctively.

She is unable to fight this law of nature.


	2. Meiōsei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a wonder she didn't curse at him, honestly. Anyone else would've if they had been innocently tying their shoelaces one second only to have a foot abruptly rammed into their side the next, and then have a sweaty teenage boy splayed across them with his knee digging into their ribs. 

* * *

**Meiōsei** (kanji: 冥王星, hiragana: プルートー) is the Japanese word for **Pluto**.

* * *

_Teiko Junior High; Second Year_

* * *

(Name) may frequently find herself watching him, but that doesn't mean she ever necessarily wants to get acquainted with Kise Ryouta. 

Befriending someone like him would be foolish for someone as ordinary as her. She doesn't mind not being a bright, bright, _bright_ shining star. (Name) likes her own little universe just fine, and someone like Kise could very well shake the careful foundations she is built upon. She isn't sure she wants that. 

Frankly, she doesn't even want to admit to finding any sort of interest in Kise Ryouta purely because the kind of girls that do hang around him are loud and tend to become unruly. She doesn't want to be lumped in with them. In a few years, those girls are going to regret this phase themselves and (Name) knows it-- she has watched several older female relatives and friends go through the same and has been bribed on plenty different occasions for her silence on their embarrassing histories. 

He's nice to look at, and so hard to look away from, but she keeps these things to herself because it's middle school and information like this is sensitive stuff. 

Unfortunately, life likes to unfold in the strangest and most infuriating of ways, and in this case, it brings her closer to Kise than (Name) has ever dared to be. 

And it's all because of a bunch of roses, scary fangirls, and (Name)'s inability of acting cool around boys with intense golden gazes and a fire that no longer kisses her skin with warmth but threatens to burn unless he lets her tame it. 

Teiko is a fancy school that comes with a fancy, well maintained garden towards the back of the campus where most students don't venture. It's not like it's a restricted area, but it is a little out of the way and tends to see a lot of teachers strolling past, which kills the appeal of all the pretty flowers for most students. 

(Name)'s aunt's family is currently staying over with them and they've just added a new baby to the family. Babies are cute, and she adores her new cousin...when the little gremlin isn't shrieking his little head off at ungodly hours of the morning. 

For the sake of her own sanity, she has begun arriving at school way too early just to have an escape from all the chaos at home and relish the silence of the garden until the warning bell rings and she has to make a mad dash to get to class in time. She does this because sometimes, she likes to be alone and just...breathe. 

It's a great way to start the day, really. She'll listen to some music or just sit and enjoy the morning, sipping on her overly sweet coffee (she has to stay awake _somehow_ till lunch) and just giving herself some time to ready herself for the day. 

She never thinks to ready herself to get bulldozed by Kise Ryouta out of nowhere. 

How was she to know that on a morning like any other, the blond would decide to show up early as well and his growing fanclub would follow? Or that he'd break into a sprint and head straight for her sanctuary. 

It's a wonder she didn't curse at him, honestly. Anyone else would've if they had been innocently tying their shoelaces one second only to have a foot abruptly rammed into their side the next, and then have a sweaty teenage boy splayed across them with his knee digging into their ribs. 

For a terrifying moment as she lays on the grass, gasping for the breath he had quite literally knocked out of her, she thinks she has straight up died. Bitterly, she resolves to haunting Kise for the rest of his life until she wonders whether ghosts can feel pain or not and then he's rolling off her and she can breathe again. 

(Name) opens her mouth to say something-- maybe swear as much as she can-- but she can only manage a weird cross between a pained groan and a wheeze, and she has to close her eyes against the bright blue sky that probably matches perfectly with all the bruises she's going to have. 

Kise curses in her stead when he realizes what he has done, scrambling to lean over and peer at her dubiously, like he's trying to decide if she's still alive and if he ought to make a quick getaway before he gets accused of murder. 

But he's blocking the light and now she can open her eyes at least, if only to glare at him. 

It doesn't matter how bright or sun-like he is. The boy basically just kneed her diaphragm into her throat, and she's wondering if that warrants suing him or not.

"Are you okay?" he asks, eyebrows furrowed and guilt etched onto his face. 

She has never been this close to him, and a part of her brain can appreciate how nicely his features are arranged. Then she considers rearranging those features with a well aimed punch because what kind of idiotic question is that? 

Maybe it shows on her face before she can even respond because he immediately looks bashful, and she's thrown off because he looks genuinely regretful and she spends enough time discerning his expressions to know he isn't faking it at the very least. 

(Name) opens her mouth to say something, but their attentions are snapped to the sound of multiple footsteps not too far away and Kise's expression morphs into one of annoyance that he is quick to wipe away when he realizes she's watching. 

"Hey, do you know somewhere I could hide?" He sits back on his haunches, rubbing at the back of his neck with an awkward smile. His facials are forced but she doesn't call him out on it. "I don't feel like dealing with them right now." 

Pursing her lips, she contemplates helping him after getting so viciously tackled by him, but she doesn't really want to be found with him and become the most wanted at Teiko and if she wastes any more time, that's exactly what will happen. 

So, she sighs and points at the edge of the garden where the gardener's little shed is half hidden behind a big tree and the surrounding rose bushes. "It's usually empty," she supplies, accepting Kise's offer at helping her up, rolling her shoulders and holding in a wince at the shoot of pain through her hip and ribs. 

The voices grow nearer and panic flashes across the blond's face for an entertaining second, and then his hand is closed around her wrist and she's being dragged into the shed with him before her already struggling brain can catch up.

No amount of watching him could have ever prepared her for how much of a whirlwind this boy is. She has spent maybe five minutes in his company and has processed exactly none of it but she's already tired and ready to sleep. 

"What the hell, Kise-kun?" she manages, but doesn't bother resisting when he ushers her into the shed and closes the creaky door just as the girls round the corner and enter the garden. 

The door doesn't really close all the way and has several cracks in its aging wood, but it's unlikely they'll be noticed either way. At least this way some light can stream in, although she's infuriated to note how nicely it captures Kise's profile and sets his visible features aglow, making her feel even more miserable. 

There's an apologetic set to his mouth that she can see all too clearly, and it finally registers just how close he is standing, cool fingers still wrapped around her wrist. 

She wonders absently if being this close to a star will burn her. 

"I'm sorry for knocking you over," he says, and all poetic thoughts are flung right out of her head, the urge to hit him returning in its wake. 

(Name) huffs, looking away petulantly to turn her attention to the confused group of girls that calls for Kise, unaware of how close he really is. 

Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, he turns aureate eyes to her. "Think they'll find us?" 

This is the closest she has been to any boy, let alone child model Kise Ryouta, and she's totally out of her element when his shoulder is pressed against hers and half her vision is occupied by silky strands of golden hair, but she's absolutely confident about this at least. "Not a chance," she confirms verbally, smug in her sureness. 

Maybe it's her tone of voice, but Kise's gaze drifts back to her and he doesn't try to hide the calculative way he regards her, like he's trying to figure out her entire life story by simply staring at her far too intensely for a second year middle school boy. 

"What's your name?" he asks her finally, voice containing none of his usual forced friendliness, and he looks just as surprised as she feels at his tone.

She blinks. "(Surname) (Name)," she answers slowly, almost hesitant to do so because this means that she is no longer just another sunflower in the field of the many that look to his brightness. 

He's so close, and internally, she's reaching out to him and this unforeseen connection. 

_I am a sunflower,_ she tells herself, _not Pluto._

His gravity is at work again, and stupidly, she wants to be closer. 

_Get a grip. He only asked for your name._

"Second year, right?" 

She hums in confirmation, deeming it too risky to continue holding his gaze and looking back at the girls as they admit defeat and slowly begin trudging out of the garden with sad pouts on their pretty face. 

More sunflowers. 

"Lucky," she whispers, throwing the door open just as the last of them leaves, startling Kise with her sudden movements. He yelps, stumbling back to avoid getting hit in the face by the door and, belatedly, she realizes he's still holding onto her, yanking her back as well while he barely avoids tripping over his own feet. 

A startled yelp escapes her and Kise snorts abruptly at the sound. His amusement is quick to fade however when he meets her glare and Kise decides he probably shouldn't be in a closed space with her when she looks so angry, swiftly shuffling back out of the shed and inhaling deeply for theatrics. 

"Ah, sweet freedom." He grins to himself, finally taking the time to study where he is. "Hey, this place is actually really nice." 

(Name) stretches, trying to ease the tension in her shoulders. "I know, Kise-kun."

He turns to her over her shoulders. "Do you come here often?" His brows furrow when she doesn't respond, deeming it something he doesn't need to know as she wordlessly passes him. 

The less they know of each other, the safer (Name)'s junior high school career will be. 

But Kise is not to be deterred and she knows this. He's already bounding to the next subject, his attention caught by the rose bushes as he eyes them.

"Do you like roses, (Surname)?" he asks mildly, making her pause and turn to him though he isn't looking at her. "I've always thought they're a little overrated." 

She doesn't know why he's asking, or why he's standing around and making conversation when he fancies his lonely sky and his empty solar system. She doesn't really want to ask either. Her immediate gut reaction is to run because this is out of the ordinary and, therefore, isn't safe, but she swallows the urge and frowns at the back of Kise's head instead. 

"I like roses," she decides after a moment. "Or, well, I like the idea of receiving them." 

Again, he snorts, derision in his gaze when he turns to her. "A romantic?" he coos, but his interest in her is quickly becoming skeptical and she wants to laugh at his quick conclusions. He's so childish, she can't help her own amusement showing a little and Kise blinks like such an expression has never been directed at him.

"Maybe," she shrugs, "I like the idea of receiving. Period. Because someone took the time to pick the roses out and bring them to me, they stop being just flowers. The roses become mine and they become unique because I'll look at them and think not of flowers, but of whoever gave them to me." 

Kise's face is blank, and she almost wants to apologize for confusing him, but he begins nodding slowly. "I never thought of that." 

"I didn't think so." She clasps her hands behind her back, linking the fingers to keep from fidgeting because this is uncharted territory and _what is she doing talking to the sun about roses?_

There's a smile playing at the corner of his lips that has her stilling, however. She stops so she can marvel at it because it's genuine and unguarded and infinitely brighter than the wider, insincere ones reserved for his admirers. 

He's beautiful and she wishes she didn't notice. 

_I'm a sunflower. Just reaching,_ she tells herself, firm even as he draws closer and falls into the space beside her, gesturing for her to walk with him, and she holds her breath because there it is-- universes meet and now, she's Pluto. 

Far enough to be forgotten and just barely there, but still a part of the solar system. 

(Name) ventures into Kise's orbit not out of her own will and exhales at how much warmer this is. It's addicting and it makes it tempting to draw closer, but she refuses to go any further than this. He will see Icarus and he will cast her away and she will burn, and she refuses to. 

_Pluto is safe,_ she thinks, no longer sunflower petals on the ground, but a dwarf planet in space. 

"Now I kind of want to receive flowers from someone too," Kise admits, grinning. 

It's so bright, she wants to look away but she can't because she is Pluto now, and she cannot fight his gravity. 

Instead, she hums and nods before asking, "Kise-kun, do you like planets?"


	3. Kōnen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Candy bars," he repeats. "Seriously?" When she shrugs, he shakes his head and chuckles. "You make a terrible loan shark, (Surname)-chan." 
> 
> She's actually a little offended. "Excuse me? I could be a great loan shark if I wanted to." 

* * *

**Kōnen** (kanji: 光年) is the Japanese word for **lightyears**.

* * *

_Teiko Junior High; Third Year_

* * *

She is Pluto, the discarded planet that takes 248 Earth years to orbit the sun, growing closer than Neptune for 20 of those years in its eccentric orbit before once again becoming the farthest planet from the Sun. 

Out of sight, out of mind. 

This is almost exactly what happens with Kise and (Name), though on a much smaller timeline. 

He doesn't push their acquaintance any further and she refuses to approach. All they do is exchange nods in the hallways in passing, but he saves a small sincere smile for her and she revels in the brief warmth, her atmosphere melting and rising higher while she is momentarily closer than Neptune. 

Eventually, it gets to a point where she has trouble figuring out why they acknowledge each other at all, but by now it is almost routine and it does no harm, so she never breaks away and Kise looks content to keep at it as well. 

He wanders his dessert hallways and she hovers in the far, far distance. Out of sight, out of mind. 

There are instances when she wants to draw closer, of course. 

Something goes wrong with the Generation of Miracles (all of them bright and special, like a sky full of the most brilliant stars and the rest of them stargaze from lightyears away) and their universes begin to grow apart. 

When the sun goes down, the moon comes out. Except Kise doesn't share his light with one and so, his light flickers and the sunflowers falter in their reach at the sight of the storm clouds. 

She is Pluto-- too far away, barely a part of the system, her 20 golden years having passed so she becomes the farthest one. 

Before, she wouldn't have cared at all. She watched him, but felt no empathy for the boy because he was unimaginably far away. Now, the distance is not unimaginable-- it is quantized and at an average of some 3,670,050,000 miles that she cannot cross easily to get to him. 

She is even further than the asteroid belt. It would take her 248 years and she'd still be too far away. 

But because the distance is quantized, she feels some concern for him and it's almost frustrating because she can't do anything about it. Her own friends begin hovering at sight of her unpleasant mood, and she is warm again-- not because of the sun, but because of her many moons who tenaciously revolve around her and bring her light no matter the time of day, and in turn, she does the same for them.

She is lucky because her sky is full of stars and moons and planets, and her heart is full of love. Kise, however, isn't quite as fortunate as she is, and she watches as the Miracles' solar system begins falling apart as their gravities falter and they spiral wildly out of orbit, channeling their momentum into rage and taking it out on the basketball court. 

The rumors call them monsters; whispers filled with awe for the brightest stars around. 

They're all burning too brightly and in passing, she thinks they might all be witnessing a series of supernovae. Currently, the Miracles are undergoing luminescent stellar explosions, but after this, their gravitational cores will rapidly collapse and they'll become black holes.

Or, well, they'll be unmotivated geniuses in their stages of decline without the proper stimuli and goals. 

She doesn't know when Kise's storm comes and goes, nor does she know if the collapse takes place at all, but graduation comes by and he's caught in a crowd of admirers (sunflowers still reaching, maybe for the last time) and she thinks of the first time she ever saw him. 

The sun burns angry and alone in the sky, out of reach from all of them, and once again, Apollo casts Icarus from the sky for daring to get too close and Kise looks close to losing his patience all together. 

He looks for a distraction, and once again, his aureate gaze clashes with hers and she's too late to look away in her surprise. Kise's expression clears with the realization of a 'bright' idea (it really isn't but it's graduation day and no one can do anything about it), and before (Name) can make a strategic escape, he's calling out her name and waving wildly for her attention. 

For a moment, she considers just walking away, but his fanclub is already turning to her with various reactions and it's too late for her. 

Sighing, feeling her lifespan deteriorate by the second, she approaches slowly, clutching the bouquet of white carnations and camellias her family brought for her while debating whether she could use the bouquet as a weapon to get away or not. 

"Girls, will you please excuse us? I'd like to say goodbye to (Surname)-chan," Kise says once she's close enough for him to casually put an arm around her shoulders and draw her towards him like they're actually friends or something. He's smiling smoothly and she supposes she should get rid of the likely scowl on her face and smile as well. 

If she's being forced into this charade she may as well do it properly. 

The girls grumble some, but leave all the same, dispersing to find their families and friends. 

With his arm still around her, she can feel Kise's shoulders drop as he relaxes finally. "You're always saving me, (Surname)-chan," he sings, grinning brightly, although some of it looks forced. 

She's tempted to tell him to drop the mask, but then the question of how she can tell he's even wearing one might arise and she'd rather keep her tendency to turn to him a secret.

Instead, she turns to squint at him dubiously. "I deserve some payment for my services, don't I, Kise-kun?" His face falls immediately, expression becoming guarded and she realizes belatedly that he probably thinks she's just another person trying to take advantage of him. "You owe me two candy bars now," she adds quickly, amending the situation. 

His face turns blank and then he snorts abruptly, a hand rising to hide his mouth as he begins to laugh, and she watches in a daze, basking in the warmth of the sun as the storm clouds dissipate and his true radiance burns through. 

The spirit of Icarus rises within her but she shoves it down, knowing better than to draw closer. 

"Candy bars," he repeats. "Seriously?" When she shrugs, he shakes his head and chuckles. "You make a terrible loan shark, (Surname)-chan." 

She's actually a little offended. "Excuse me? I could be a great loan shark if I wanted to." 

Kise's lips twitch and he purses them to hold back another smile. His arm around her is warm and she wonders if she's burning. 

"Well, when can I pay you back, Loan Shark-san?" 

Sniffing, she shoots him an unimpressed look. "Live in my debt forever. Tell your children of your dishonesty. Let them know of your opportunist ways." 

What is she doing? Is this banter? What the hell is happening in the universe? 

He grins. "You're funny, (Surname)-chan," he decides. "What high school are you going to?" 

"Kaijo." 

Kise's face lights up and something within her plummets even as she absently notes that he looks ethereal in his own glow. 

"Me too!" 

Already, she's tired. She's supposed to be Pluto. What does he think he's doing by pulling her out of orbit and holding her close? 

Kise doesn't notice her exhaustion. "Isn't that cool? Now I can pay back my debt and you can keep rescuing me. It will be fun if we're in the same class, won't it?" 

She blinks, barely keeping up with his tirade. Confusion rings within her. He's talking about this like he expects her company at Kaijo, that too in a more continuous fashion than their disjointed interaction at Teiko. 

This isn't how she thought this would go. He has only ever burned those who dare to approach unless he deems them worthy, but he's here, pulling her closer than she ventures and talking like she is his satellite. 

She doesn't want to risk flying too close but he's beckoning her, and all of his gravity draws her in. 

"Let's get along well, (Surname)-chan," Kise says, mouth curved into a smile that is softer than anything she has seen on him, and it makes her head spin. 

An unguarded and soft Kise Ryouta is someone she never thought she'd meet, but he's reaching for her now and for a delirious moment, _she_ is the sun. Bright and burning and looking down at a single sunflower as he looks to her light. 

_Snap out of it._

"Yes," she agrees quietly, the memory of his smile dissolving into honey under her skin. 

She feels like for just one instance, she got to pull back the curtain on all the acts Kise puts up and see the wizard himself-- a boy with a beautiful smile and a penchant for hiding-- but it also feels like she was allowed to look past the curtain just this once. Like he wanted her to see him. 

He pulls her across lightyears, sends her orbit into disarray, and the sun holds Pluto in his arms and smiles just for her.

She wonders what that means.


	4. Eisei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Maybe we can do this everyday," he suggests, but his tone implies that he's expecting a rebuttal. 
> 
> She doesn't give him one. "I'd like that," (Name) says instead, and she finds that she means it. 
> 
> When he's reaching, she wants to be reached.

**Eisei** (kanji: 衛星, hiragana: サテライト) is the Japanese word for **satellite.**

* * *

_Kaijo High; First Year_

* * *

Taking the train on her own isn't a new thing to (Name), but every time she has to commute using a line she isn't used to, it gives her some degree of anxiety. 

She started out extra early this morning out of paranoia, not wanting to be late on the first day of school, so she isn't really surprised by the lack of many people on the train. It's too early to really be rush hour, but not early enough that the train is entirely empty. 

It's comfortable. At least she doesn't have to stand, and she can listen to her music in peace, provided she doesn't accidentally fall asleep or something. 

Except her solitude doesn't last very long and only two stops down the line, the doors slide open to admit a bored looking Kise Ryouta who catches sight of her and brightens instantaneously. 

"Good morning," he greets, smiling pleasantly as he takes the seat beside hers, waiting patiently while she fumbles in disorientation to pull out the earphones, not wanting to be rude. 

Sloppily hitting pause on her phone, she sighs in relief before returning his greeting. 

Kise chuckles, and she takes the time to take in his appearance. He's a model, so it shouldn't be much of a surprise that he manages to look so good in Kaijo's monochrome gray uniform, but she still thinks it's unfair for this boy to have won so blatantly in the genetic lottery. 

It hasn't been that long since she last saw him at graduation, but Kise has managed to get taller and put on some more muscle, his cheeks appearing less full than she recalls. The most obvious change glints under the unflattering lighting of the train and her eyes drift to his earlobe. 

"Is that allowed at school?" she wonders aloud, staring at the silver earring. 

Humming, he shrugs. "Nothing in the rules mentioned explicitly, so I'm guessing it isn't a problem." 

She nods. "It looks good. Did it hurt?" 

He sits up straight, looking pleased with himself. "Of course not." 

Childish. _Cute._ "You're cool, Kise-kun." 

It's definitely not the first time someone has said that to him, but the way he perks up would suggest so and she has to muffle a laugh behind her hand while he grins at her. 

He looks her up and down quickly, returning his gaze to hers before his examination can be deemed inappropriate and nods in approval, making her snort and roll her eyes. 

Kise grins again before he leans closer, shoulder pressing against hers so he can peer down at her phone screen. "What are you listening to?" 

Glancing at him, she offers him an earbud. "Would you like to listen?" 

The blond takes her up on her offer and they spend the rest of their commute scrolling through her music collection, discussing their tastes and favorites, shoulders pressed and sharing each other's warmth. 

It's nice, she thinks to herself as they walk towards Kaijo, a companionable silence between them. It's really nice, in fact. 

He's strangely familiar and seems so excited to be sincere, and it's such a difference from all the times she has observed his arrogance and boredom that she doesn't know what to make of it. 

She still has a lot more to learn about him, it seems. Right now, he doesn't really feel like the sun and she doesn't really feel like Pluto. They're just two students who seem to get along, and she doesn't mind the idea of getting to know him when he doesn't feel quite so far away. 

(Satellites.)

Maybe she has already flown too close, but he doesn't give her the impression that he plans on melting her wings and letting her plummet to the sea. 

"Are you always going to be on the train this early?" he asks her suddenly, making her blink. 

(Name) shrugs. "Probably. Better early than late. You?" 

Kise smiles, but this one doesn't seem to come as naturally to him. "It's easier to get away from the crowds if I come this early. Evenings probably won't be a problem since I'll have to stay back for practice if I don't have a shoot, and my manager always comes to pick me up when I have something scheduled so it's alright."

The smile he wears now is more mellow and almost tentative, and she's reminded once again of sunflowers rather than the sun because he's reaching for her when she doesn't think she has ever been out of reach. "Maybe we can do this everyday," he suggests, but his tone implies that he's expecting a rebuttal. 

She doesn't give him one. "I'd like that," (Name) says instead, and she finds that she means it. 

When he's reaching, she wants to be reached. 

And just like that, they establish a rite. 

* * *

Kise is tentative in his approach towards their friendship, which she would think is uncharacteristic of him if she didn't realize the amount of thought he puts into things that he judges are worthy of his time and effort. 

It warms her as she notes the slow progression of things falling into place between so naturally, it's a little hard to judge where the changes began and when she begins thinking of their quiet mornings as _theirs._

He's always pleasing to look at, but as she studies the way the faint morning sunlight reflects against his golden irises and his face glows warmly, she thinks he looks ethereal. Kise smiles at her, catching her gaze and she can't look away from him, holding her breath in wait of...something. 

The warmth that come from him being pressed to her side has become familiar, but today it seems to linger more and begins clouding her mind with sleepy lullabies. (Name) relaxes further, basking in the peace of his company and the quiet that is only broken by the soft music wafting through the earphones she's sharing with the boy at her side. 

"This is nice," she mumbles, sighing as she eases into her seat. 

Kise hums, looking over her with an unreadable but not unkind expression on his face. He seems to be considering her somehow, mouth twitching into a vague smile after only a moment. The blond looks away and copies her actions, stretching his legs out before him. 

Before her eyes can begin to flutter shut, however, the warmth at her side increases and she turns to register that he's very much leaning against her, a welcome weight pressing into her arm while Kise does nothing to hide his smug face. 

Gold eyes peer up at her, glinting like drops of molten sunlight. She holds them, not daring to look away even as the ease from before evaporates and leaves her with a heart pounding so loudly, she's afraid he can probably hear it too in the lack of space between them. Her skin tingles, static electricity dancing in the goosebumps that erupt across her arms, and her stomach turns in a way that has her trying to remember how respiration works again. 

"Is this okay?" he asks, quiet because the atmosphere seems to demand it. 

She knows that it's natural for him to show affection physically when he genuinely enjoys someone's friendship or company, but it hasn't yet come up so obviously in their interactions until now; possibly because he senses her hesitance and reflects unconsciously. 

But they're here now, and her heart feels like a caged hummingbird has replaced it, but she can't find it in herself to move away. The warmth is an inviting depth she wants to dive into and lose herself within. She wants to lose herself in him and draw closer to the sun, knowing she could burn. 

Kise's interest is a fickle thing. It comes and goes, and his whims are unpredictable. If she gives too much, he'll simply take it and leave as he sees fit, and she'll fall apart at being thrown out of orbit. But his interest makes her feel like the center of not just her universe, but his as well and it's like getting drunk because she can't really listen to her head when her heart is beating so loudly. 

She can't think if anything but how she'd like to drown in him when those aureate eyes fixate on her own. 

The tentative approach has her lulled into a sense of security she can no longer fight off. Their rapport is an inconvenient secret to everyone else, limited mostly to the train where no one is there to witness the push and pull of satellites trying to establish their course. It would be laughably easy to get hurt, but now, she exhales and gives in, relaxing against him and practically melting into the warmth he radiates.

"Yeah, this is fine," she says, sighing as her head drops to rest against his. 

The steady rhythm of the train thrums in the silence, and she doesn't hear his hum so much as she feels it. 

Kise sighs, and his arm moves to wrap around hers so he can shift closer, settling his head in the space between her neck and shoulders comfortably. He smells nice-- like citrus and mint-- and she can't summon the energy to hate herself for noticing. 

"I'm glad," he says, and though she returns his sentiments, she doesn't yet want to acknowledge why.


	5. Nisshoku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contemplatively, she looks at his back as he leads the way. From here, Ryouta looks unapproachable. She could chase forever and only ever see the same back in retreat from her when she longs to feel worthy enough to walk by his side instead.

**Nisshoku** (kanji: 日食, hiragana: にっしょく) is the Japanese word for **eclipse.**

* * *

_Kaijo High; Second Year_

* * *

It takes a year for them to work towards something solid enough to be exposed more openly to their peers without fear of her facing any backlash for managing to befriend the school's most desirable. 

More specifically, she becomes secretary of the student council and the influence makes her a hard figure to intimidate, especially with heavy implications of her getting nominated by the current President to take over next year. 

Ryouta takes the new development in stride almost instantly and publicizes their companionship for all he's worth, making it clear that he has a genuine friend in (Name) and he's proud of it. 

She thinks it's almost like having an overly enthusiastic PTA mom, but she can't deny that he's oddly endearing in wanting to show their friendship off and that it definitely makes her happy to see how proud he is of befriending her. 

In moments like these, (Name) doesn't just feel like a satellite-- she feels like the sun. 

His interest does not falter and she convinces her fears to go to sleep, trusting him because Ryouta deserves that from her and she is only all too willing to give. 

The spirit of Icarus simmers underneath her skin and she begins to dare to draw closer and touch the sun. Ryouta never turns her away, letting her approach and holding her close in those fleeting moments of bravery until she deems it enough and turns tail, receding once again. 

When they pull, the process is catharsis and she is overwhelmed by how much she wants to give him. And then reality sets in, reminding her that this beautiful, golden boy deserves the entire world and she cannot give it to him, so she pulls away and they are left with all the things they leave unspoken hanging like an intangible noose between them.

Attraction. Repulsion. Hope. Fear. 

_I don't deserve you._

(I love you.)

It's lunch break now, and they're sitting on the stairs leading up to the boys' lockers behind the gym the basketball team uses. Once again, his welcome warmth and familiar weight at her side are all she can register as she tries to stay as still as possible while Ryouta takes a nap with his head on her shoulder. 

She doubts he's truly comfortable with how they have to sit so the height difference doesn't get in the way, but she doesn't say a word because she's selfish and she would stay like this forever of she could, trying to match his breathing.

This is a new habit he has come to recently. It's likely that with the Inter high prelims right around the corner, Ryouta is more exhausted than ever and is simply taking advantage of their now public association. 

She doesn't understand why he feels the need to curl into her like this, clinging to her arm with a leg strung around her own, effectively locking her in place with him. (Name) doesn't ask though. She's afraid of what the answer might be and right now, she simply wants to simmer in his presence. 

His eyelashes cast shadows on his cheek and she watches him, mesmerized. Raising a hand to carefully brush his hair away from his face, she sighs. 

The surge of belonging that rises in her chest is a treacherous realization that takes everything within her to swallow before she falls apart at the seams because her mortality cannot contain the supernova within her. 

(Name) is tired and his warmth is an inviting blanket that lulls her to sleep as well, but she refrains because lunch is probably going to end soon and she has to stay awake or they'll both miss class. 

Sighing again, she allows herself the respite of resting her forehead against his head, nose burrowing into the silky strands of golden hair. 

"How can I give the world to you, Ryouta?" she asks him, whispering into the tender silence that settles on their shoulders. 

He doesn't answer, only breathing deeply like he has been since he fell asleep and she smiles wryly at the rise and fall of his form before pulling away again because she can never handle that much proximity with him without feeling like she has been set on fire. 

With each passing day, she seems to fall further for the sun who sits at the centre of their shared solar system, and with each passing day, she loses a little more of nerve because he feels farther than ever even though he's right here, coiled around her with his overwhelming presence. 

Reaching for him feels like reaching for a star that is too bright and too good for her to ever touch. She is no longer content with simply orbiting him; she wants _him_ ,but there's so much she cannot give him and it makes her afraid to reach out any further. 

She's falling but she thinks she might falling further away from him, and the funny thing is, she embodies Icarus without ever needing the sun to burn her wings because she's plummeting all on her own and he doesn't deserve that, but she undeniably doesn't deserve him either. 

The bell rings to signal that lunch is over, and she jumps on surprise, jostling Ryouta awake crudely without meaning to. 

He groans and turns his face, trying to burrow further into her and she has to fight the urge to recoil when his nose brushes her collar bone, so she ends up stiffening awkwardly and that has him peering up at her anyways. 

Ryouta's gaze is intense, pinning her down as he tries to read her while she fights valiantly to control her complexion and monitor her facial expression because he will definitely notice any change in her countenance and that's a whole can of worms she doesn't want to open. 

"(Name)," he says, but there's no purpose to it. He says it simply because he wants to, and she forces herself to relax into him. Ryouta hums tunelessly, propping his chin on her shoulder and continuing to watch her. 

He's close. So close, she knows he can hear her heartbeat and see every shade of pink that's probably dusting her cheek. Close enough for her to pick out every individual color that swirls in his eyes.

"(Name)," he says again, softer, his breath fanning out against her face. 

His gravity pulls her in and, like a fool, she almost inches closer, drawn to him like a moth to a flame until the spell breaks abruptly and the world come back into focus.

Fellow students chatter loudly in the background as they all begin to rush back to class, and she rears back, turning away from Ryouta as the blood rushes to her face. 

She thinks he sighs, but she can't really tell over the rustling of fabric as he disentangles himself from her and stands to stretch. 

"Did you have a nice nap?" she asks because it's normal, and she thanks every god she can think of for her voice coming out steady. 

Ryouta turns back to her over his shoulder and winks. "Sure did. (Name)-cchi makes for a great pillow," he says, grinning as he holds out a hand to help her to her feet. "Let's get back to class." 

She follows after him, trying to ignore the push after the pull and how it weighs down on both of them. He only ever adds _-cchi_ to her name when he wants to create distance and once again, the intangible noose hangs around her neck and chokes her with the very words she doesn't say. 

The sun is in eclipse and it is her doing. 

Contemplatively, she looks at his back as he leads the way. From here, Ryouta looks unapproachable. She could chase forever and only ever see the same back in retreat from her when she longs to feel worthy enough to walk by his side instead.

Something sits heavily inside her that she thinks might be longing. He feels entirely beyond her; she ought to settle for stargazing instead of promising the sun that she will reach him. The empty promise doesn't leave her lips, but he hears it anyways, and the sun lies in wait for an arrival that could burn before it ever comes to pass. 

This must be what heartbreak feels like.


	6. Oshi-biki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stop," he hisses, leaning forward so her senses are overwhelmed by him and her eyes widen at his proximity as his fingers curl around her forearm, soda bottles discarded in the moment. "Stop running away." 

**Oshi-biki** (押し引き) is the Japanese word for **push and pull.**

* * *

_Kaijo High; Second Year_

* * *

By the time summer comes around, Ryouta and (Name) find themselves in a painful loop of chasing something and never really reaching out for it. 

What they have is good. Comfortable. Going beyond it is risky and likely to disrupt their existing easiness. 

She pushes again and, eventually, the gravity frays and they're left to simply float in space, locked in a lack of motion that begins taking its toll in their subtle avoidance of each other to resist the gravity they know will lead to nothing but pain.

Ryouta doesn't understand why she won't just stop resisting the pull and (Name) thinks he deserves someone who can match his stellar qualities. Someone just as bright and far away. 

The distance is noticeable when they'd been so close before, and rumors don't take long to start up, speculating what must have happened for the satellites to be so hesitant in their orbits. 

When the first doubts begin prickling his mind about (Name) finally having gotten sick of him, he decides he has had enough of this push and pull. He's going to pull and this time, there won't be an equal and opposite force to resist his effect.

(Newton can go fuck himself for all Ryouta cares.)

The school's cultural festival is approaching, so the student council tends to stay back to prepare for it. Naturally, (Name) is among them and does the same, although usually, basketball practice lasts for even longer and so, she still heads home before Ryouta does. 

She doesn't risk staying behind to wait for him. She's afraid now that she really will burn because these days, the sun looks angry and she knows exactly who the ire is aimed at. 

Now, more than ever, she keeps her distance because she refuses to be struck down in the wake of flight. Her feet remain rooted to the ground and the sun burns with increased fury to try and reach her. 

That is until he texts her and outright requests that she stay behind and she doesn't have it in her to refuse him. 

This is what finds her lingering outside the gym while the boys clean inside, wrapping practice up with good natured banter and general easiness that reminds her of a boy sleeping with his head on her shoulder, and she has to swallow thickly and look away. 

When was the last time Ryouta had done that? 

She tries not to fidget too much while she waits for him to finally step out, instead taking note of the sky above her and its steadily becoming streaked with pink as the sun begins to sink down, earlier than usual as they enter September and summer begins to fade away. 

"(Name)!" 

Head snapping back towards the gym, she sees the blond jogging towards her, waving like she would somehow manage to miss him if he didn't. The lights from the gym flare out behind him, giving him a halo of sorts and she holds her breath as he comes to a stop before her, grinning. 

The smile isn't totally sincere and his eyes regard her like he's half expecting her to run away, and she has to swallow some of her guilt because his apprehension is reasonable given the past three months and she knows she is to blame for the beginning of their avoidance.

Still, he called her by her name with no suffix, so he isn't creating distance. She doesn't understand why he likes implementing the reverse of his usual honorifics to her wherein he doesn't assign one when he's in a good mood, but she hasn't ever really asked about it.

Ryouta is standing closer to her than he needs to, and she looks up at him uncertainly, unsure of what he's aiming for. 

"Ryouta?" she asks finally, eyebrows rising. 

He hums, the curl of his lips mellowing into something warmer, the corners of his eyes crinkling to give away that this smile is genuine. "Nothing," he says finally, shaking his head and stepping aside to fall in step with her. "Let's go, yeah?" 

It's strange to be walking by his side on their way to the train station. It's usually a walk in the opposite direction, and the circumstances are somewhat unusual given the strange air surrounding the blond though he acts as though nothing is wrong. 

"Hey, look!" He points at the vending machine by the bus stand they're approaching. 

Amusement has her eyebrows rising, a snort slipping past her, making him pout. "Have you never seen one before, Ryouta?" she teases, and it feels so good to be doing this with him again that she's a little blown away for a second. 

Has she really made things so bad between them? 

The blond huffs at her dig, fingers closing around her wrist so he can drag her towards the machine. "I have, but we haven't had peach soda together in a while. We should get some!" 

Neither of them is overly fond of the sticky sweet drink, but for some reason, it has become another rite of theirs to get peach soda together when either of them wants a drink from the vending machine. She doesn't remember why or how, but that's just how it came to be. 

Crossing her arms and leaning against the machine while he looks for the obnoxious pink bottle, she shakes her head. "You're paying." 

Ryouta clicks his tongue, shooting her a look. "Duh, Loan Shark-san." 

The banter is familiar, but she can't shake her apprehension because almost everything he does, he does with motive. He wouldn't have gone out of his way to shake their (unpleasant) routine if he didn't have some sort of plan up his sleeve. 

Kise Ryouta is a meddler through and through, especially when it comes to getting what he wants. Now she just has to wait and see what that is. 

The machine shakes as it dislodges their drinks and Ryouta picks them up, looking particularly satisfied with himself as he opens his and takes a sip. His eyes screw shut at the taste, nose scrunching before his expression settles and he sighs, smiling. 

"Awful as always." 

Laughing at her best friend, she reaches for her own bottle and Ryouta lets her hold it but doesn't let go. 

Confused, her gaze rises to his and she freezes at the same contemplative stare from before as he regards her, head tilted. 

"Hey, (Name)?" he begins. "Why have you been avoiding this?" 

_Ah, there it is._

She gulps around the developing lump in her throat, not wanting to hold his burning gaze but finding herself unable to look away. Then, in a moment of colossal fuckery: "I don't know what you're talking about, Ryouta." 

The effect of her words is immediate, and in a detached way, it's almost fascinating to see how quickly his carefully controlled expression shifts into one of frustration as his brows furrow and jaw sets, eyes growing cold and burning hotter all at once. 

She thinks she might be burning. 

Panic has her body screaming for her to go into fight or flight, and she definitely wants to run from this because in no reality is she ready to be faced with her own inadequacy in the face of the one she wants, but Ryouta draws closer to her like he can read her mind and there is no escape when she's caught between his demanding stare and the stupid vending machine. 

"Stop," he hisses, leaning forward so her senses are overwhelmed by him and her eyes widen at his proximity as his fingers curl around her forearm, soda bottles discarded in the moment. "Stop running away." 

His voice cracks and Ryouta's gaze finally leaves her, lowering to the ground instead as he ducks his head and breathes unevenly. 

Uncertainly, afraid to somehow set him off, she brings her hands to rest on his shoulders. "Ryouta," she whispers and he sighs, moving so his forehead is resting on her shoulder, nose brushing her collarbone and eyes closed. "I'm sorry." 

The fingers around her arm tighten, and when he exhales, his warm breath hits her neck, making her shudder slightly. 

"That's not what I want to hear, (Name)." 

She knows. She knows that, but she can't give him anything else. That's the problem, isn't it? She can't give him the world like he deserves, and now their universe is on the verge of crumbling with its collapsing gravity. 

"Don't push me away," he whispers, letting his weight rest against her properly, and she accepts it wordlessly because she can't think anymore. 

Ryouta sounds like he's in pain, and while she can't give him the world like she wants to and he deserves, she certainly doesn't mean to give him any pain either. 

And there's a moment of epiphany that knocks the wind out of her and she's glad for the stupid vending machine behind her because she's sure she would've fallen over without it. 

Suddenly, he isn't the sun anymore. It occurs to her that she has placed him in this faraway space in her mind when he's right here, warm against her and asking for something that she can give. 

Because he deserves the entire fucking world, but Ryouta hasn't asked for it. He's asking for afternoons behind the gym and her shoulder to sleep on and morning commute and maybe a little more than the word 'friends'. 

(Name)'s breathing evens out. She can give him all of that. 

He feels her relax under him and raises his head, catching sight of the acceptance on her face and the easiness that begins to settle again like it never left. 

Kise Ryouta isn't some distant star. He's just a boy and he's here, and she doesn't want to hurt him anymore. 

He is not Apollo and she is not Icarus. She will not burn. 

(Name) reaches out and sees that he has always been reaching back. 

"I'm sorry," she says again. "I love you." 

For a moment, Ryouta gapes at her like he can't believe it has finally happened, and she's just beginning to feel awkward with his gawking when he surges forward faster than she can process and kisses her. 

The first thing she thinks is that he tastes like the shitty peach soda and that she'll probably never like it as much as she does in this moment. 

She doesn't really think of anything else after that because Ryouta demands all of her attention in the urgency his mouth moves against hers with. Like he's making up for lost time, trying to pull her as close as he can and steal her breath away. 

His hands are warm where they rest against the curve of her waist, and Ryouta kisses her with the single minded focus he tends to have when it really matters. All she can do is try to keep up, but it's hard to not let her brain turn to mush from the sheer euphoria that cones with the taste of him on her tongue.

When he pulls away, her eyes flutter open to his flushed cheeks and breathless grin and she falls a little harder for him in that instant.

It finally, _finally_ feels right and she doesn't know if she wants to laugh or cry, so she decides to just kiss him again and Ryouta is all to happy to comply when she tugs at his collar to pull him close. 

"I've missed you, (Name)," he says finally, still very much in her space, taking advantage of their deserted surroundings to make the best out of this. 

It's not like they haven't seen each other at all in these past few months of push and pull, but it's suddenly so much easier to breathe and she understands exactly what he means. 

"Me too. I'm sorry." 

He sighs, fianlly pulling away properly so he can pick up the peach soda bottles and hand hers over while he turns his in his palms. "Stop apologizing. I just--" 

Taking his hand in hers, she smiles at him as best as she can while he falls short to stare at their linked fingers with something akin to reverence. 

"I know," she says softly. "I'll make it up to you." 

_I'll give you all that you'll let me._

Ryouta tugs her closer, and his warmth permeates through her side, no longer making her feel like she'll catch fire. "I'll let you off the hook if you say it again." 

She grins, not bothering to fight off the happy flush she's sure is coloring her cheeks. She'll say it as many times as he wants. 

"I love you." 

Ryouta brightens, almost head-butting her as he goes to quickly peck her lips, a skip in his step when he pulls away. 

"I love you too!"


End file.
